Not just shoot–land a blow with a sword / mace / baton / baseball bat / fist, you name it. Your run-of-the-mill, rank-and-file Enemy Soldier–can be a fantasy goblin, Imperial Stormtrooper, Gestapo officer, street tough, whatever–can’t seem to hit the Hero with anything. And God forbid Our Hero be unawares, standing there on or in the landing platform / dance floor / Great Hall / abandoned warehouse or wherever completely vulnerable. Our bad guy’s first shot always misses but alerts the hero to the danger. Or the bad guy comes charging out in full bellow, letting Our Hero defend herself.
And don’t even get me started on bad guys who, armed with guns, decide to charge at the hero who can only fight hand-to-hand.
See, I like the bit in that gloriously bad movie, Flash Gordon, when Flash is easily dispatching Emperor Ming’s guards. Ming calls over Klytus, head of the Imperial Secret Police, and demands to know if his men are “on the right pills.” He even suggests that Klytus execute their trainer because of their poor performance. The reason I like that is that even Ming the Merciless comments on the ineptitude of the guards and has some helpful ideas for his lieutenant.
Yes, I realize that if the bad guys were able to shoot our Hero in the head the moment his back was turned, we’d have a rather short movie. But still. There has to be some way to show how the bad guys are a threat besides ominous music / impressive costumes / being able to march well. I know that the first scene in Star Wars shows Stormtroopers mopping up rebel soldiers with relative ease, but those selfsame rebels didn’t seem to be the most crack fighting force ever assembled.
Oh, and while I’m on the subject, how about when the Bad Guys wear armor it actually is useful? Just once. Once I’d like to see a generic bad guy soldier take an arrow in the shield or deflect a sword blow with his cuirass or remain standing after a wounding laser shot to his sci-fi armor.
I mean, who would sign up to be a Generic Bad Guy, anyway? Are they all nepo babies or something? Does the evil empire pay that badly? Are they on some Union dispute doing work-to-rule and shoot but don’t hit on purpose?
Let’s get it together, Generic Bad Guys.
Be seeing you!
And don’t even get me started on bad guys who, armed with guns, decide to charge at the hero who can only fight hand-to-hand.
See, I like the bit in that gloriously bad movie, Flash Gordon, when Flash is easily dispatching Emperor Ming’s guards. Ming calls over Klytus, head of the Imperial Secret Police, and demands to know if his men are “on the right pills.” He even suggests that Klytus execute their trainer because of their poor performance. The reason I like that is that even Ming the Merciless comments on the ineptitude of the guards and has some helpful ideas for his lieutenant.
Yes, I realize that if the bad guys were able to shoot our Hero in the head the moment his back was turned, we’d have a rather short movie. But still. There has to be some way to show how the bad guys are a threat besides ominous music / impressive costumes / being able to march well. I know that the first scene in Star Wars shows Stormtroopers mopping up rebel soldiers with relative ease, but those selfsame rebels didn’t seem to be the most crack fighting force ever assembled.
Oh, and while I’m on the subject, how about when the Bad Guys wear armor it actually is useful? Just once. Once I’d like to see a generic bad guy soldier take an arrow in the shield or deflect a sword blow with his cuirass or remain standing after a wounding laser shot to his sci-fi armor.
I mean, who would sign up to be a Generic Bad Guy, anyway? Are they all nepo babies or something? Does the evil empire pay that badly? Are they on some Union dispute doing work-to-rule and shoot but don’t hit on purpose?
Let’s get it together, Generic Bad Guys.
Be seeing you!
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